LIfe...

I feel as though life has lost its meaning.
all these petty fights and arguments I have are meaningless.
The fights I have I can't win, the one's I can, I let stay as they are.
I'm tired of trying to be perfect.
I'm tired of trying to be innocent.
I'm going to do it my way, and I'm gonna have some fun.
I'm taking control of my life, I'm taking control of my relationships.
I'm sitting here at like 2-3 in the morning and making some stunning realizations...
I've had this song stuck in my head all evening, and keep thinking about last nights sermon. It was beautiful, and wish I had a recording of it.

really?... REALLY???

If you think I can't handle life, then leave me alone.
If you think you could do my life better, I'd like to see you try.
If you think I'm stupid, think again.
If you think I don't hear what your saying, then listen to me.
If you think I'm a bitch, then move on with your life.
If you think I need you, then go fuck yourself!
If you think I care in the least what you think of me, get over yourself!

here's some news for you,
My life is where I want it, and I can make it the way I want it.
You don't know my life so get off my back.
I am a whole hell of a lot smarter than I look.
If you don't listen to me, I wont listen to you.
I act the way I want, to tell me who I can trust and who's not worth my time.
I don't need anyone, all I need is my muse, and my god.
I don't need your opinion, and when I wan tit, I'll let you know.

so get over yourselfp, get off my back, and let me live the way I want to! I don't need another mother, God gave me one, and that's all I need! I'm a big girl! I can handle myself! If I screw up then its something I!!! have to live with, NOT YOU! I know what I'm doing, I can make my own choices. If you don't trust me, then don't talk to me.

life is troublesome

my favorite lie yet is ' I do listen to you'

well either you don't do it well or you don't care.

'no I care, atleast I read the messages'

not thoroughly, or you wouldn't be in this situation.

'well you've just changed thats all'

yes I have and I'm NOT going back! I know how I was. I don't like that person, so I'm not going back! those are the sluts that go and ruin their life, then go complain about nothing, for no reason, and I'm tired of being that way. I had someone show me my imperfections, and I fixed the ones I could. and I'm not about to undo everything. no matter what you say, you wont change the facts.

then from another end ' you're not a slut, your just a teenage girl'

oh yeah? then how come I've only met two people who really even talk that way??? how come I've only herd how stupid I am for my past doings? how come my own mother calls me a slut?


JUST SHUT UP GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND LISTEN TO ME, UN BIAS-LY!!!
forget yourself for a minute, as you talk to me. truly listen to what I'm saying. think about what you're saying.

go in a dark room, without music (unless it's fu Elise) and think.) don't fill your mind with past experiences. think about what I'm saying....

but then, if it takes doing that for my words to sink in, then I don't need you.
If I have to yell and scream and leave you for you to listen to me once, then go back to the way things where, then I don't need you. I don't, all it does is cause stress in my life.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I483tB12SyE

again I find mysel fon the topic of love...

what does love feel like?
is it that funny feeling you get when you talk to someone?
is it the clumsyness that finds you in their presence?
is it that cockyness that makes you look like an ass?
is it feeling perfectly comfortable in everything you do around them?
is it never wanting to see them hurT?
is it wanting to somther them with gifts?
is it being worried that you're doing the right thing?
is it trusting them with your secrets?
is it risking you life for them?
is it intamacy that comes with marriage?
is it marriage it's self?
is it having a pack mule gladly doing everything for you?
is it the pain you feel when they leave?
is it those moments you want to cry tears of joy from something they say or do?

or is it this:

something that is unacheivable and doesn't exist?
is it a psychological block to make the brain feel at ease?
is it purely something the humans mind created?

my position is:

You'll know when you find it without a doubt.
you'll know from the bond you feel.
You'll know from the moments you share.
you'll know from all that you endure together.
but for now know that God is with you through it all.
He wont put you in a situation you can't handle, because He loves you.
if you trust Him He will bring who and what you need into your life.
He'll provide, protect, and produce for you.
He will provide the lessons you need ( not want)
He will protect you from harms way ( until it's your time)
He will Produce every thing you need. ( money food patience ect.)

Guilty pleasure... good thing or bad???

What I'm going to do here is take a survey. all you do is leave a comment saying what you think. good or bad for each scenario. take this seriously k?




you know this thing isn't right and that its not good for you, but you love it so much you can't stop.(like an addiction) At one point it secludes you completely from your friends, but you had lots of fun...
good or bad?


you love this thing that makes you go broke but makes you look hot.(like shoes.) not only does it make you look hot it makes you feel hot.
good or bad?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjNh677y6T8



you spend all your time with this one. you take it everywhere, and you include it in everything you do.(like a puppy) All your friends hate this thing and tell you to get rid of it.
Good or Bad?


In the begining it was to help you as a person but turns you into something you're not. (like plastic surgery) You can't stop being with/ using/ doing this thing.
Good or Bad?


You love this thing but it anoys the crap out of everyone and looks and smells very undesirable.
Good or Bad?


that's all i can come up with...